The past few days exploring Ernest Gaines’ world has been such a privilege.  We visited his home, read his manuscripts, and even hung out with the town sheriff and district attorney!  Hearing that Ernest died in 2020 and we wouldn’t be able to speak with him was crushing, but it made his words that much more powerful when reading his novel, A Lesson Before Dying. 

At first glance, I wondered what a man falsely convicted of murder on death row could teach me before dying. However, as I wrestled with Jefferson’s looming death, I thought of the author's death as well and the lessons I gathered from each. 

Although Jefferson is the victim in this novel, I feel this is Grant’s story as much as it is his.  Grant is a college-educated teacher in an underfunded parish that feels stuck in his “little town”.  He is manipulated into making a man out of Jefferson whose defense in court constantly reduced him into believing he is a “hog”.  Grant, who already has a dim outlook on life due to lack of mobility, wonders, how “am I supposed to tell someone how to die who has never lived?”.  

This notion of having “never lived” stems from his desire to leave his town in search of “greener pastures” like his parents did, consequently leaving him.  Though this sounds cliche, the lesson I took from Grant is knowing that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.  Constantly wanting to be elsewhere and thinking you’d be happier, as he does, is not the solve and negatively impacts his perception of life.  Believing that those in his community “who did not go anywhere, simply died slower” expresses his desire to leave in order to begin living his life.  This is most apparent in his interactions revolving around his profession.  At his student’s Christmas play, he “was not happy” having seen “the same little play, with the same mistakes in grammar.  The minister had offered the same prayer as always, Christmas or Sunday.  The same people wore the same old clothes … Next year it would be the same, and the year after that, the same again”.  These negative connotations of sameness with “little”, “mistakes”, and “old” take away from the beauty that exists in his community doing their best to come together in Jefferson’s honor.  Grant creates a continuous cycle of dissatisfaction with his life which isolates him from the only people he can connect with.  He already exists in a “vicious cycle” of systematic oppression and not finding value in his community will always leave him feeling like he needs to leave on account of not “doing anything ”.  Even when the children’s joy overshadows the wrongness the town has faced, Grant can’t seem to find the joy in where he is.  The minister shares an encouraging story about the “little pine tree”.  It may not have been the “tallest” or “most blessed”, but it remained “the most beautiful of all the Christmas trees…and even took on a character of its own, it was so happy to be here”.  As he preaches about the power of the little tree and correlates it to the importance of the little guy, Grant is still unmoved”.  He was still downtrodden by the nature in which his people existed and “stood alone” hoping to reach happiness elsewhere.

Furthermore, it is quite ironic how Grant gives advice to Jefferson and tells anecdotes that he does not heed in his own life.  He advises Jefferson to show love to the family he owes on death row, but any responsibility or love shown to his own family is too heavy a burden.  Grant says, “No matter how bad off we are, we still owe something. You must show [your godmother] some understanding, some kind of love.”  The thought that Jefferson, a wrongly convicted man on death row, “must” show love is interesting to me.  If anything, society “owes” him. But he somehow accepts this burden and continues on.  He proceeds to find the beauty in what his community does for him and walks to the electric chair like the man he is for his loved ones.  Meanwhile, Grant has a future and understands that his family loves and wants him “for their own”.  Even still, he dismisses the same responsibility he places on Jefferson and equates staying in town to dying slower.  Grant’s need to be elsewhere and the lack of gratefulness toward the gift of life is a stark contrast to the freedoms Jefferson is denied.  This makes the falsehood of needing to be somewhere else in order to contribute and start living even more apparent.  He is essentially convincing a black man that stayed in the same place his whole life that he is worthy, but he doesn’t believe he is living a life of worth himself unless he moves to greener pastures. 

Nevertheless, Grant is not the only one often caught envying the unknown.  As an LA native, sometimes I catch myself thinking the grass is greener on the other side.  How much happier would I be if I moved to the other side of the country?  What opportunities would await me there?  I catch myself going down this rabbit hole of thought and overlook the beauty in my own community.  With fresh, curious eyes for the small towns we visit in Louisiana, I romanticized life here: only to talk to locals doing the same for where I’m from.  I couldn’t imagine anyone not loving the culture and consistency of life here in Louisiana, but some waitresses and hotel staff I speak to live in the same undecided state as me… constantly worrying if the grass is greener on the other side. 

Oftentimes Grant finds himself in a different kind of limbo.  He’s disrespected, but can’t always fight back.  He’s educated, but is pigeon-holed into what career he can obtain.  In the job he holds, when the superintendent inspects his “crop” of students, he struggles to exist as he is.  This is because “to show too much intelligence would have been an insult to them.  To show a lack of intelligence would have been a greater insult to me.”  Due to racism, teaching is the “only thing that an educated black man can do in the South today”.  He’s only allowed one profession and even then, he can only rise so high and must watch how he acts.  He also exists in this world of uncertainty because he wants to leave in search of greener pastures, but has nowhere to go.  His relationship with Vivian exemplifies this.  They plan on making it out of the city countless times, but are always restrained due to one reason or the other.  Even when he fought with Vivian and threatened to leave, he “went to the front door and jerked it open, and there was the screen.  And through the screen I could see outside into the darkness, and I didn’t want to go out there.  There was nothing outside this house that I cared for”.  His perception of his immobilization continues to hurt his outlook on life at every turn.  But he knows the reason why he doesn’t leave is because there is “nothing outside this house that [he] cared for”.  Only if we learn community can we find a sense of being and contentment.  

I feel Grant finds this sense of being and contentment in forming a friendship with Jefferson.  Though unexpected, it offered a light in his community when he felt he was contributing to a greater good that benefitted his loved ones.  Grant’s real plight was not escaping, rather finding meaning and connection in his community which progressed in his meetings with Jefferson.  When Jefferson was thankful, Grant started “grinning like a fool” and “felt like crying with joy”.  I find that the grass is greener where you water it.  And I think meeting with Jefferson helped him more than he realized and served as a reason to stay and take pride in potentially planting roots in his community.

Lastly, visiting Ernest’s grave prompted the question: why did Ernest move back to a home that oppressed him and his family?  Learning about how his family grew up as sharecroppers working on a plantation, I just couldn’t wrap my head around why he would want to move back after having a successful career in California.  Quietly contemplating while visiting Ernest’s grave this week, I began to start to understand.  His home was where his community was and the plantation was just as much their land as the white property owners.  He creates a new perspective on pain as he did in A Lesson Before Dying.  I saw an example of this in the sugar pot in his backyard.  Enslaved people lost their lives using the sugar pot and he not only kept it, but created a pond with fish where life lives on.  He ensured that their history would be remembered.  Even in death he did this, making the decision to be buried where enslaved people were.  His headstone reads that he wished “to lie with those who have no mark”.  I also admired how he didn’t feel like he needed to leave the south in order to live out the rest of his life.  At the Ernest Gaines Center, Chaylon told us how black radicalists, his former friends, separated from him because they preached that you had to move north or west in order to create change and live a good life as an African-American.  I feel he countered this by trying to reimagine the south as a place where African-Americans can thrive and where they will be remembered.  I think he takes a note from Vivian in the novel when she counters Grant, saying the “easy way out” is to leave.  She knows wherever African-Americans go “we get hurt no matter what”.  So we minus well fight the good fight in our own communities where we are loved and empowered.  I think both Gaines and Vivian understood this and made an effort to ensure they watered their grass accordingly.