Kamryn Scott

Fiction Collides with Reality

New Roads, Louisiana. Have you heard of it? Probably not, and neither did I. I didn’t think that so much of our trip would be exploring these small towns in Louisiana, nor did I think I would grow to love them as much as I did. The beauty of bookpacking is that the novel decides where we go. Sometimes it isn’t the most glamorous location, but I have learned to not "judge a book by its cover" when considering the historical significance of a place.


Author Ernest J. Gaines

Our class read A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest J. Gaines. The novel is set in the 1940s and is about an innocent black man, Jefferson, on death row. A teacher named Grant is instructed by Jefferson’s godmother to make sure that he dies with dignity as a man because his defender had called him a hog. This was done with the intention to portray him as incapable of planning a murder, but it is nonetheless incredibly dehumanizing.

What you see here is a thing that acts on command. A thing to hold the hand of a plow, a thing to load your bales of cotton… Why, I would just as soon put a hog in the electric chair as this.
— Ernest J. Gaines

When we first arrived at the courthouse where Jefferson was convicted, I looked at the steps leading to the door. I imagined Jefferson walking up those steps and knowing he was never leaving. We walked into the courtroom, and it was much more modern than it would have been in the novel. I started questioning what has happened here that I didn’t know of. Sure, it was just a little court room in a small town in Louisiana, but whose lives were changed right here? The story of Jefferson was based off true stories, after all.

The Point Coupee Courthouse that we visited.

One of the cells we visited.

I also thought of the fear that Jefferson must have felt when entering his cell. It is quite difficult to describe the feeling of the jail without stepping foot in it, but it gives you the shivers. The elevator itself felt directly out of a horror movie – it was deep in a janitor’s closet and pitch-black. There was a caged barrier in the elevator to separate the deputy from the prisoner. With no lights available, our guide had to use her phone light.

Upon entering, I was surprised by how small it was. Gaines had a way of making places seem bigger through writing as so much happens in these locations. The cells had enough room for one bed and a toilet; not much else. There was no air conditioning, and while it was hot when we visited, I can’t imagine what it must have been like at the peak of summer. I imagined Jefferson sitting there day after day. I also thought of his visitors. No wonder his godmother and the others requested a conference room – I can’t imagine four people in his cell at once with barely enough room for a single person! Below is a description of the cell from the novel.

The cell was roughly six by ten, with a metal bunk covered by a thin mattress and a woolen army blanket; a toilet without a seat or toilet paper; a washbowl, brownish from residue and grime… a single light bulb hung over the center of the cell
— Ernest J. Gaines

The execution room and room for solitary confinement were especially discomforting. The execution room was the most spacious as it was the only women’s cell, but this was because there were 4 women in the cramped space. There was a concrete slab on the ground, and the guide told us this is where people were hung. My brain couldn’t help but wonder if the women would be there for these hangings, or if they were asked to leave, knowing people repeatedly died where they slept. It is further unsettling that the people who died here never left – they suffered in the cells until they walked to this other one where they would face the end of their life. And as for the solitary confinement room, it was equally as small as the other cells except with a covered window and walls of pure metal. There was a little slot for the prisoner to receive their food. The cells themselves are already nightmarish, so I cannot even begin to fathom the mental toll that being in solitary confinement takes on someone.

The recreation area does not deserve this name. It was outside, yes, but there was nothing but white walls. It was blinding to look at while in the brutal sun. All one could see was the sky, the tops of trees, and whiteness.

Now, I asked some of the courthouse staff their opinions on the jail. It is critical to understand that it only became out of use in the 90s. One woman described this environment as truly being a punishment. She said that the prisons today were luxurious even, so why would people want to leave? She seemed to imply that what we had seen made more sense as a prison. I will say that I disagree with her because what I saw felt outright inhumane, but I can understand her perspective. Another man had actually worked at the prison for six months before it closed. He admitted it to being brutal but also said that the people who came wouldn’t relapse into committing crimes again. Fair point.  


Up next on our A Lesson Before Dying bookpacking tour was visiting the plantation where Gaines (and Grant) grew up. While this was the 1940s and official slavery was not taking place in the South, sharecropping was definitely prominent. Individuals, most often African Americans, could work off the land owned by someone else, but the person whose land it was would take a significant amount of these profits. Many people were never able to make enough money to become free from the landowner and would be stuck working on the land for years and years, thus mirroring slavery.

The church and school that we had visited.

The plantation itself was massive – crops extended past where the eye could see. Now all the farming is done by machines, but it is important to remember that people were out in the fields for little to no wages, all day in the burning sun. We saw the church/ school where Grant taught and Gaines attended as a child. The students only went to school five and a half months out of the year as they were needed in the fields. It is evident that their labor was prioritized over their schooling. I cannot fathom Grant teaching grades K-sixth in this small building at the same time. The school was severely underfunded, and Grant had to make it work to the best of his abilities. The below quote shares how he managed to teach all the grades at once.

I assigned three of my sixth-grade students to teach the primer, first, and second grades, while I taught third and fourth. Only by assigning the upper-grade students to teach the lower grades was it possible to reach all the students every day. I devoted the last two hours in the afternoon to the fifth and sixth grades.
— Ernest J. Gaines

Gaines had a guest house that mirrored the layout of slave quarters yet was very modern. He also had put a pond in a sugar pot, something that was used to prepare the sugar from the fields for use. It was a brutal process that harmed many of the enslaved people with severe burns. I thought it was powerful Gaines made both the house and the pot something beautiful — I could only infer that this was his way of honoring his people and their stories while also trying to make beauty from an ugly past.

Lastly, we visited the cemetery where those who worked the land were buried, including Gaines himself. It was powerful to see how few people had graves and headstones. Many of the enslaved people were buried without identification, and our guide shared that a lot of the time, the person who died had family members that would plant a tree in honor of them. How many trees were cut down that was actually a memorial? Were we walking in places where people were buried below us, and we didn’t even know? It’s a grim thought.


I really appreciate bookpacking. It is such a valuable way to see different places, and it allows you to look at them with a whole different lens. I didn’t just mindlessly walk through that jail – I thought of Jefferson. I thought of the people working in the fields as I looked across the plantation, and I visualized the students studying in the church, using their seats as desks while they sat bent over on the floor. My brain had clear stories to go along with what I was looking at, making the experience so much richer. I will forever be grateful for this.

A Little chaotic Update

The format for this blog is different from my others -- this is solely a recap on what I have been up to and a reflection of my time here. Some thoughts are longer than others, so bear with me... Well, what have I been up to?


A view of Audabon Park.

Recently, our group explored and had a seminar at Audabon Park. As I was walking, I couldn’t help but think “wow, this is the life.” We came across horses, a kid's birthday party, a group of middle-aged women dancing as they walked, a lovely river, and some very luxurious dogs (whose breeds I believe are a reflection of those who can afford to live there). It felt very picturesque.

 

I also went to the classic, famous Café Du Monde with Ciena. We went to the one at City Park, and while it was quite different from the Jackson Square location, I preferred it. I think my heart is most content in slower, more open spaces. The architecture was beautiful, there was a soprano saxophone making some music, and we simply sat, had some good conversation, then enjoyed our frozen coffees and beignets. Just thinking about it makes me want to go back!

 

Francesca and I at the Money Wasters!

Some members of the group and I went to another Second Line Parade — the Money Wasters. I felt like I owned my dancing more at this one, and there were moments that truly blew my mind. It was like a scene from a movie. I remember feeling pure excitement from the crowd, and I looked around me and saw people climbing up poles and dancing on balconies. The band was playing and singing proudly, and people all around them were moving with great energy. I saw my trombone crush performing (a trombonist who I have been seeing frequently around and mildly obsessing over their skill). Then there was a battle of the bands! Two bands had come together and were going back and forth with each other.

A few things ran through my mind: I can’t imagine growing up with this. There was a little girl sitting on her father’s shoulders, and this is probably a part of her weekly routine! Yet I don’t think Los Angeles, or anywhere for that matter, could have anything matched to New Orleans’ Second Line parades. We were joking that people in LA would just get their phones out and record the whole thing rather than dance along with the band. But I think this is what makes the parades so special and unique, and it’s what makes me want to come back.

 

And of course… ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW! I got close to three of my friends back home because of this movie. We would watch it every so often and become acquainted with the audience’s script, even using props like one is supposed to in the theater. But wow – seeing it live was incomparable. Our entire group went and dressed up in the theme. When we got there, it immediately felt like a welcoming and fun atmosphere. Seeing the performers who were around my age own their sexuality and confidence was incredibly empowering. I felt giddy the entire show. This was one of my most memorable moments from the Maymester.


I’ve been enjoying buying gifts for people back home. It feels special to think of what reminds me of someone and take back a part of the city to them. I can’t wait to get back to my family, friends, and pets, but I also don’t want to leave. I wish that I could bring others here to share it with me, except that I know what I have sincerely appreciated about this experience is increasing my confidence and learning that I can handle myself independently. Additionally, I feel so lucky when I remember the people I am with. I truly feel like my brain expands when we all have discussions. I can’t think of any other opportunity when I would have gotten to spend time with so many of these different people involved in other activities from me.


I’m really valuing the bookpacking aspect of the class. I love learning in general and really enjoy our morning seminars. I also feel like it’s powerful to be able to explore a place through literature. I wanted this course to make me fond of reading again, and I can thoroughly say it’s done that. I appreciate having a book in my hands because, while it can allow me to escape, it is also more inviting to others than me being on my phone. People may ask what I’m reading, and it can spark a conversation.


Finally, I talked about this in my last blog, but man, I love the people here! I just came back from a laundromat where I was chatting with the worker there, Georgia, for a long while. I realized that I haven’t ever small talked this much with so many different people. I understand how grand it is for some to live in LA, and my mom even left a similar town to Louisiana in upstate New York to move to Southern California, but I question how one could ever leave a town like this where there is such a strong community. There is an infectious warmth, and I really find myself feeling excited, smiley, and eager to talk to others because of how people have been treating me. There’s so much to get to know about everyone!


That was a fun and perhaps chaotic mix of thoughts, but I appreciate you sticking with me. I feel at the perfect point where, with the end in sight, I am taking in every moment of my time here. If I’m parting with you, I’ll miss you! If I’m coming back to you, see you soon!

New Orleans’ Genie-Soul

At the start of our Maymester, Andrew explained to our group that we would find many different people here in New Orleans: Creole, Cajun, African American, White Protestant, you name it. He also told us that what we may find could be quite different from our expectations. With the political turmoil in America during the last few years, it is easy to form strong opinions about individuals without even meeting them, which I am admittedly guilty of. But I have learned that the only way we can close this political gap is through genuine kindness – fostering a welcoming environment by treating each other as people first. The Southern hospitality that I've experienced here in New Orleans has been like no other. One may discard these friendly gestures in the name of politics, but wouldn't that be incredibly destructive? In the novel The Moviegoer by Walker Percy, the main character Binx shares that he has experienced this behavior frequently in the South.

If I had to name a single trait that all these people shared, it is their niceness. Their lives are triumphs of niceness. They like everyone with the warmest and most generous feelings.
— Walker Percy

I have felt a warmth here like no other. The best way to describe this is that every interaction feels personal, even with the usual worker-customer relationship. Below are just a few examples of some of the interactions I’ve had.

The owner of Jeaux’s Coffee who gave us beignets!

  • We were given on-the-house beignets after chatting with the shop’s owner. In the same shop, I was given Mardi Gras coins from a local. 

  • A laundromat owner invited our group to his barbeque for this upcoming Sunday parade.

  • When I ordered a breakfast burrito at a coffee shop, the store was out of their salsa. This prompted a worker to go into the back and give me his personal salsa that he brings for himself. He told me it was the best he’s ever had, and I couldn’t agree more!

Every individual comes off as if they have all the time in the world when talking to you because they really care about your personal well-being. I think this is beautiful. I found myself slowing down, trying to learn people’s names and stories, and making a conscious effort to pass on the kindness.

I believe that in a world where the media only portrays the negative, it makes the good things seem so, so small. But this is why we need to cling to these moments, that we value life’s simple beauty. As Binx says…

It is not a bad thing to settle for the Little Way, not the big search for the big happiness but the sad little happiness of drinks and kisses, a good little car and a warm deep thigh.
— Walker Percy

People work incredibly hard to strive for some great happiness and relaxation, most often labeled retirement, yet this fosters an “if… then…” mentality, where if I do x,y, and z, then I will be happy. However, when I recall the lovely people that I have encountered, it prompts me to think that not acknowledging these special interactions along the way and rushing to the finish line would mean that one could fail to take in New Orleans’ genie-soul. 

[Genie-soul is] the sense of the place, the savor of the genie-soul of the place which every place has or else it is not a place.
— Walker Percy

I believe that if you removed every individual from New Orleans and left it desolate, its genie-soul would not be inexistent but utterly different. It would be dark and empty. When you add the people, it gives this city life. A cup of gumbo would not be so delicious without the cook making it with love. A haunted building would not be known to be haunted without people reviving stories of its supernatural. The hotel we are staying in would simply be some beds in rooms without Kevin warmly greeting me every time I walk out, pausing to ask what I have planned for the day, wishing me well, and causing me to say “I’m going back home,” instead of “I’m going back to the hotel.”

Each interaction I have had here crafts the genie-soul of New Orleans as I see it in my mind. I don’t want to miss out on this simply because I am rushing from place to place.

Jazz, Jazz, and More Jazz.

Next on our schedule was the Preservation Jazz Hall, but I was exhausted. We’ve been moving for so many days now, and standing for 45 minutes to watch the performance did not sound fun at all. That was until I looked at my watch and 40 minutes had passed, and I realized that what I just experienced was borderline magical.

The inside of the Preservation Jazz Hall.


Coming Through Slaughter by Michael Ondaatje shares the story of Charles “Buddy” Bolden, a famous cornet player and pioneer of jazz. I was quite excited to read this novel as a part of our bookpacking experience as I started playing the trombone in fifth grade, 10 years ago, and played in jazz bands for six of those years. In my time, here are some things that I have learned about jazz:


Jazz is a language. You could become fluent and your vocabulary more complex, like choosing when to pause and let the silence ring, or riff something musically intricate. Watching these performers on stage, you couldn’t deny this. The musicians looked at each other and would smile; you heard hoots when you knew that someone just pulled out a new lick that the others haven’t heard yet; perhaps you noticed the rhythm section in the background adding support to the solo where they felt it fit in, embellishing the phrase. Choosing how to express your thoughts through music, deciding the volume, notes, and whether to have a descending or ascending line, is like crafting a beautiful literary sentence. 

There was pain and gentleness everything jammed into each number.
— Michael Ondaatje

Our group standing in front of a mural depicting one of the bands that Buddy played in. Buddy holds a cornet and has a yellow halo behind his head.

As my music teachers have always said, with jazz, you have to know the rules before you break them. You need to understand what musically works and fits in the chord – how to express it. You begin to know this so well that you can break the rules. Yes, jazz can seem loose and unpredictable, but as Ondaatje explains, “there was discipline, it was just that we didn’t understand it. We thought [Buddy] was formless, but I think now he was tormented by order, what was outside it.” I interpreted this phrase as Buddy wanting to play every note that his cornet could produce, but he was limited by what fits in the song.

This is quite different from classical music where one is expected to ‘play the ink,’ or what is written directly on the page. Of course, you can make it your own by stretching out the length of some notes or exaggerating the dynamics, but only to some extent. This is not to say that there is no beauty in classical music, however. Buddy shares his own experiences with the stability that comes with listening to a classical song by Robinchaux.

So carefully patterned that for the first time I appreciated the possibilities of a mind moving ahead of the instruments in time and waiting with pleasure for them to catch up.
— Michael Ondaatje

Jazz puts you in the moment, and that is why it is such a form of self-expression. You are constantly making choices and thinking on the fly about what you will do next. The stability of classical is lovely at times, but when you want freedom and looseness, you want jazz. I experienced this so clearly at the Social Aid and Pleasure Club parade. People were MOVING, and their bodies just took them! I was self-conscious about my dancing at first, but eventually, I couldn’t help it. I listened to the music and let it dictate my movements.


Jazz is also a part of the performer. Your feelings inevitably display itself in the music. Jaelin Brewitt in the novel was aware of an affair that his wife was having with Buddy, and he would “sit down and play, to tip it over into music! To remove the anger and stuff it down the piano from every night… The music was so uncertain it was heartbreaking and beautiful.” Of the performers we watched, I feel that the crowd unanimously fell in love with the trombonist’s lively personality (what can I say? It’s a trombone thing). His excitement showed beautifully in the music. He used the entire length of his slide going up and down, hitting the low range but also the very top. The trumpet seemed much more emotionally contained, and his playing was cleaner and had more direction. The pianist had soul and seemed sentimental.



Now, I must call myself out. I had an ego about my knowledge, questioning how people could be dancing when they didn’t understand this music to its full value (as if I did). I could recognize that the trombonist’s tone was blatty and short and not necessarily amazing, but it was the style, alive. What is the audience doing getting so into this when they don’t even know what they are looking at, what they are listening to! But what a load of crap. This mindset is in full opposition to what jazz is about. I had to check myself, and I looked up again. I saw people dancing, smiling, and immersed in the music through a different lens. This is what jazz is for – uniting people. After all, that’s where it originates. It united African Americans here in New Orleans when they were faced with extreme adversity and had to look to one another to bring joy, that agent being music. This city was built on jazz! You walk anywhere and can find some memorial to this musical past, either in street musicians, murals, or statues. You don’t need to be a trained musician to appreciate how it flows through you or recognize its power.


Jazz was made to be shared and accessible to everyone. This is why Buddy claims that he hated classical music, saying “[Robinchaux] dominated his audiences.”

Jazz is inviting and very much opposite to a dominating relationship. When the trombonist at Preservation Jazz Hall hit a strong low note, he said to the audience “ooo! I like that” and he hit it a few more times. He invites the audience to share this feeling with him. The performers encourage the audience to clap along with them. They cheer each other on and dance to make the audience feel like that is what they should be doing too, just enjoying the music!


Jazz is beautiful. I believe this is the best word to describe something so vibrant, culturally-rich, inclusive, and simply fun.

Now go watch some live jazz.

A Few Discoveries

When we drove on the bridges and streets attempting to locate the holiday house our Maymester group was going to stay in, I must admit that I felt unnerved. I was here in an extremely unfamiliar place, looking out of the window and simply seeing darkness, open land, and glistening water, much different from the bright Los Angeles city that I had become well-acquainted with. In reading The Awakening, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was how Edna, the woman whose story and transformation we follow throughout the novel, felt. She married a Creole man, a person of an entirely different culture from her American background, yet she was expected to effortlessly assimilate to this new place with different standards. In a time when a woman’s behavior was heavily watched and critiqued, fear of straying from the norm must have been the cause of much of her anxiety and obedience in the beginning of the novel. I wonder if she felt similar to the way I did, quite aware that she could say something wrong at any moment with this new group of people as opposed to the comfort of long-term relationships at home. Beyond this individual connection to Edna, our group definitely stuck out like a sore thumb, and I could only imagine that she would have felt the same. Walking into the Starfish, a small restaurant in Grand Isle, I couldn’t help but feel that all eyes turned to our strange grouping of people, obviously foreign to the area.

A view from our car, entering Grand Isle as the sun began to set and our surroundings turned darker.


Contrasting with her initial nervous feelings about this new environment, Edna found a deep calm in Grand Isle, and so did I. She peered into the openness of the ocean and hesitated to enter this abyss, but she eventually embraced its power by leaping into it. Though a different kind of fear, our group hesitated to go into the water at first too because we were fearful of pollution, having heard of oil spills in the past. I didn’t go beyond dipping my toes in, getting a tantalizing feel of the warm Atlantic Ocean. This became quite funny in retrospect as Andrew shared that he had gone swimming, that Edna had clearly gone swimming, and that it was just murky from the sand. With this newfound security, I began to crave the water. I ran into the ocean the next day, quickly lathering on my sunscreen and not letting it set as one is supposed to (likely causing the many tan lines I received). I felt a sense of freedom. I had been to many beaches, beautiful ones at that, but I looked to my left and right and saw no other body in the water – just me. That was an entirely new feeling; it was as though the ocean belonged to me, and I could swim as far down the coast as I desired. Yes, I owned the water, but I also succumbed to it. I lifted my feet from the seafloor, put my head up, and floated. I simply existed on this body of water, letting it choose where to take me with the currents. I felt bonded to Edna in that moment, how she must have felt the water wrap around her body and carry her in the waves in the same way.


Grand Isle seemed to be a place of discovery, not because of the life-changing critical decisions that one has to make as we may do in a fast-paced world, but because of the single, the almost only choice to relax. I experienced a new meaning to this word on the trip. I even hear it spoken with a slow exhale… “relax.”

After swimming as one with the water and basking in the intense sun, I felt as though I was in a daze. I lazily made my way back up the beach house steps and plopped myself on a chair. I continued reading the novel, but this time, I became totally consumed by the words on the page because my mental energy was only directed here and nowhere else. As we headed back inside for our seminar, I remember feeling purely relaxed. When was the last time I felt like this? It must have been years. At home, even when I have “nothing to do,” I still feel pressured to do something because God forbid that I sit idle. In Grand Isle, there was nothing else I could possibly be doing but reading. When I took a deep breath, I recognized that there was no tightness in my chest. I looked at my fingernails as if I had seen them for the first time. They were long and strong, much different from the usual short length that comes from my picking them so often as a nervous habit. I know that Edna learned to feel this same freedom in Grand Isle over the course of her holiday.

“When Edna was at last alone, she breathed a big, genuine sigh of relief. A feeling that was unfamiliar but very delicious came over her. She walked all through the house, from one room to another, as if inspecting it for the first time.”
— Kate Chopin

I began to understand how as Edna got a taste of freedom and agency over herself, it became impossible to let go. I walked along the water, and all I had to do was what I wanted to do. If I wanted to take a step to my left and wet my toes, I could. I could turn around and walk back, or I could walk for miles and miles. The choice was mine and mine only. Though this is simple, nobody was there to pose another option. I would dare say that I did not even appreciate what it meant to be alone until this trip.


Now, while I thoroughly enjoyed the beauty of Grand Isle, I am at times so devastatingly held back from enjoying the simple beauty of things because of my knowledge. After taking a variety of classes that essentially highlight how humans have destroyed the world, I have never been able to see things the same. I think I most resonated with Edna regarding her experience of no longer living in ignorance. I looked out onto the beach and saw the oil rigs far along the horizon, thinking of the drilling that must be happening along with it. Learning of the oil spill in Grand Isle, I recalled how my oceanography professor shared that the oil we see on the surface is only 15% of what was spilled, and most of it resides deep underwater. I looked at the land and saw endless agriculture, thinking of the trees that must have been cut down, ridding the place of rich biodiversity. As you likely can tell, this is just depressing. Yet I would not, not recommend it. Edna mentioned something so beautiful that I will refuse to forget:

Perhaps it is better to wake up after all, even to suffer, rather than to remain a dupe to illusions all one’s life.
— Kate Chopin

This mindset I have acquired in recent years does cause me to suffer, but it also grants me something extremely powerful: choice. I choose to live my life no longer in ignorance because I can now consciously make changes to reduce the damage I feel humans have made. Though some of this action is small in scale, it grants me agency in the outcome of our world.


Over the course of my time there, I learned a variety of contrasting things that somehow worked together. Learning to relax, my brain was de-fogged and given room for thought. This room allowed me to appreciate The Awakening for its full value in relation to my life. I am incredibly grateful to have experienced Grand Isle through the lens of Edna as it entirely shaped my perception of this special place.