Lauryn Tham

"Everydayness"

The fact is I am quite happy in a movie, even a bad movie. Other people, so I have read, treasure memorable moments in their lives
— Walker Percy

More often than not, I catch myself searching for ways to escape the “everydayness” of life. Especially being a fulltime student at USC still, who still lives at home, my schedule tends to become a vicious cycle of “school, eat, study, stress out, repeat.” In fact, one of the main reasons I decided on applying for the New Orleans Maymester was because I saw it as a way to escape the mundanity of everyday life to conquer the city that supposedly never sleeps. In many ways I would say that my mindset resembled that of Binx Bolling from Walker Percy’s The Moviegoer. Binx lives a simple life in his cookie cutter suburb, Gentilly, but soon grows restless over the idea that he must continue “the search” for the meaning of his life, or transcendent happiness. As Binx so dramatically puts it: “What is the nature of the search? you ask. Really it is very simple, at least for a fellow like me; so simple that it is easily overlooked. The search is what anyone would undertake if he were not sunk in the everydayness of his own life. This morning, for example, I felt as if I had come to myself on a strange island. And what does such a castaway do? Why, he pokes around the neighborhood and he doesn't miss a trick. To become aware of the possibility of the search is to be onto something. Not to be onto something is to be in despair.” And, in some ways, I too, was in search of something different and exciting this Maymester, that would change the pace of my normal life in Los Angeles.



Without a doubt, the licentiousness of the Big Easy gave me the fix I needed, both, of indulgence and excitement. However, when the time came for us to step back and unwind in cajun country, I had a difficult time letting go of the city I had grown to know and love so much. I entered the sleepy towns of Baton Rouge, New Roads, and Lafayette, mainly, with the intention of using my free time to finally catch up with some work. To my surprise, the quaintness of the towns and the close-knit communities within them, reminded me of something that stirred a homesickness like no other. The citizens of New Roads, in specific, lived very simple lives, it seemed, that revolved around life on the water, good food, and better company. The people were very inviting, like Sheriff Rene' Thibodeaux and Cheylon Woods, who welcomed us with open arms. The sheriff was gracious enough to introduce us to his colleagues, who were equally as enthusiastic about understanding why a group of students from the opposite end of the country would visit their humble, little town. He also made the effort to secure us a free boat ride after joining us for lunch that same afternoon.

Cheylon spoke to us with the same transparency and familiarity of an older cousin or aunt, when she took us through the Gaines’ estate, cemetery, and archive. I will always remember the way she calmed me down after I had accidentally locked the keys inside the van. After she noticed the distressed look on my face, she made a funny remark about how I must have been the oldest sibling in my family. Confused and preoccupied, I asked her, “Yes…how’d you know?” She giggled with the other girls in the car and told me that only the oldest child would beat themselves up over a silly mistake that she herself had made countless times before. These familial gestures reminded me of how much I missed my family back in Los Angeles, especially my grandmother, who always welcomes me with similar open arms and my sister, who never fails to call me crazy the way Cheylon did. Suddenly, the excitement of running back to New Orleans wasn’t on my mind anymore. I realized that I was taking for granted the nobility, duty, and culture of my own life – which were the aspects that Binx was notorious for underappreciating in his. 

 I think what really gave me a new perspective on my life back home, was the short time we spent in Arnaudville. Andrew had taken us to a small, unsuspecting house on a corner that was called “Tom’s Fiddle & Bow” – which, to my surprise, was a lively hotspot in this sleepy southern town. People were scurrying in and out of the house throughout the time we spent there listening to the traditional cajun music – somehow never failing to intimately know each person they bumped into. We were welcomed by everyone and were encouraged to stuff our faces while sitting back on folding chairs and futons to enjoy the live music. The confusion and informalness of it all gave me vivid memories of the chaotic family parties I have back at home. Then, an older gentleman named Jerry, took the time to sit down with me and advise me on the key to a successful life. He told me extraordinary stories of his life and many careers that he bounced between, from being a diving instructor to a pilot for the military. And at the very end of it he looked me in the eyes and told me, “If you want to know the key to happiness, it’s that you gotta just do what makes you happy.” Although it sounds redundant and possibly incomplete, what he said made perfect sense. He was telling me that he spent his entire life trying to get a big fancy job in a big fancy city but at the end of it all he would change paths because it never made him feel whole. So then he held up his camera to me and said,”Then I found this” – his love for photography. 

I will always remember and cherish the wonderful memories and friendships I have been blessed to create this Maymester. It has changed me as a student, a person, and a friend – for which, I cannot thank the people I have met enough. However, in regards to the endless excitement that I, and many other college students my age crave, as Binx puts it:

Joy and sadness come by turns, I know now. Beauty and bravery make you sad and victory breaks your heart. But life goes on and on we go, spinning along the coast in a violet light. We pull into a bay and have a drink under the stars. It is not a bad thing to settle for the Little Way, not the big search for the big happiness but the sad little happiness of drinks and kisses, a good little car and a warm deep thigh.”

There is beauty in “everydayness” – beauty I love and miss dearly.

Why have Faith?

I lay my body down to sleep,
I pray to God my Soul to keep
And, if I should die before I wake,
I pray to God my Soul to take.
— Catholic children's prayer

Every single night, for as long as I can remember, these were the last words to leave my mouth before I slept. Mom instilled it in my sister and I that nightly prayer was sacred and our most intimate way of speaking to God. She is an extremely devout Catholic woman, given her progessive lifestyle and morals, and always has been. Therefore, out of our love and respect for her, my sister and I willingly accepted our religious upbringing and the expectations Mom had raised us with. In other words: I was baptized, I accepted Communion, I attended religious education, I received Confirmation, I went to church, and I memorized the prayers. Despite this, I never understood my purpose for doing any of it. I thought I understood why others did it. And as I’ve grown older and more independent, Mom realizes that and respects my choice to stray away from my faith. But, since coming to Louisiana, I wonder to myself: Why have faith?

Catholicism in southern Louisiana is unique, at least in comparison to the catholicism I was raised with. The religious practices here have a strong Afro-American influence, which derives from the fact that southern Louisiana has the largest per capita Black Catholic population in the country. This resonates in Ernest J. Gaines’, A Lesson Before Dying, as faith and Black Creole catholicism are consistent themes that heavily influence the plot all throughout. The  novel begins with the main protagonist, Grant Wiggins, who has a very rocky relationship with organized religion – considering that he comes from an entirely catholic family and primarily catholic community. This characteristic of Grant’s was one of the very few struggles I could relate to because, as I mentioned, my faith has always been sort of a gray area in my life. Grant, specifically, feels this way because he views the scriptures of the Bible as written reminders that black people of society are inferior to white people and must remain submissive. This thought didn’t fully sink in until today, at the Ernest J. Gaines Center, when Cheylon reiterated Andrew’s lecture that the Bible was printed in different copies (white only and blacks only) where the black only copies focused on the glorification of servitude and black inferiority, with promises of Heaven and the afterlife. The most barbaric part was when she mentioned that “this version of the Bible gave them something to look forward to (death)” and reminded them that if they remained docile, “it will all be worth it in the end.” Cheylon even added that Gaines himself had drifted in and out of his relationship with the catholic faith throughout his life. So, given this, and the fact that Gaines and his family were surrounded by a society that did not value the black community nor provide them with a voice – I was initially confused as to why he allowed Grant to reach the acceptance of faith that he did in the end of the novel.

Only after many immersions with the Black Creole culture of New Orleans, did I start to piece together the reasoning behind the vitality of faith and religion, not only for the character of Grant, but for the actual Black community. During Grant’s religious awakening, he realizes that Heaven is less about the concept of everlasting life but more about giving black people the strength to overcome their suffering. Gaines was intentionally making an observation about the way faith and religion played an essential role in the lives of those around him in his own community. So, when I saw the murals of a black Jesus Christ and black Virgin Mary painted across the walls of Treme neighborhoods, it became more apparent that they symbolized something more than black pride – they served as reminders of strength. They remind the black community that their hope in the catholic faith is what will allow them to remain resilient amongst the injustice and hardship they face in their daily lives. Also, it gave me a better understanding of why the Divine Ladies choose to set aside their hard earned money to ensure that they’re shared tombs are looked after once they have passed. In actuality, the Divine Ladies don’t do this, solely, with respect for their burial site in mind – but also for the everlasting preservation of their tombs. They believe their strong relationship with their faith, even in death, must be remembered eternally to serve as a constant reminder of hope for their oppressed black community. Everything in the Black catholic culture serves as a reminder of hope that their pain and suffering will someday be rewarded, which is what Gaines strived to depict in this novel.

So, again, when I think to myself about the words I once recited, mechanically, every night; “I pray to God my Soul to keep – I open my eyes to how they speak differently to the black catholic community. I acknowledge my own privileges in life and understand that religion may never speak to me the same way it does for this community  – however, I at least have a clearer answer to my question: Why have faith? 

Without faith, there is no hope. And without hope, life becomes meaningless. Religion provides meaning.

Good Morning Sunshine

I have discovered that most people have no one to talk to, no one, that is, who really wants to listen. When it does at last dawn on a man that you really want to hear about his business, the look that comes over his face is something to see
— Walker Percy

As we make our way towards the halfway point of our New Orleans Maymester experience, my heart grows heavier. I’ve made so many great friendships with the people from our course and within the city that I can barely handle the thought of leaving it all and entering the “dog -eat-dog” world of Los Angeles again. Ironically, I think back to a particular night in Leila and I’s room, with Maya prancing around listening to the new Harry Styles album and Ashley swiping through dinner options for the week. We were laid about the beds on our phones, ping ponging conversations about books, food, school, and our adventurous plans for the summer – when we landed on the question: What were your first impressions?

We laughed at all the funny first impressions we had of each other, but essentially, none of us thought we would ever become close friends. We all assumed that this Maymester was going to be one of those experiences where everyone got along with each other for group activities and then once it was over we would all go our separate ways. To all of our surprise, we have managed to become extremely close and continue to make wonderful memories together and with the people we meet each day in Louisiana. And I would say that the most exciting aspect of our group is that we all are different in our own ways, and coming from very different backgrounds gives us so much more to learn and understand about each other, ourselves, and the vibrant city around us.

As we made our way through the many historical museums, nature walks, parks, and cultural landmarks of the city – I took comfort in knowing that if I was ever intrigued by something, felt a deep connection, or even wanted to have a quick laugh – I could depend on anyone in our group to lend an ear. I remember reading through the morbid exhibits in the New Orleans Pharmacy Museum and was particularly interested in the treatment that was recommended for women, back in the day, who were showing symptoms such as “feminist thoughts”, “sexual desire”, or “masturbation”. The suggested treatment plan at the time was a combination of physical isolation from society by being confined to a bedroom for months on end, with a restriction on “over-stimulating activities” such as reading or writing. Immediately, this reminded me of what the doctor had recommended to diagnose Edna’s “abnormal behavior” which is what we now know was depression. Also, it reminded me of another short story The Yellow Wallpaper where the main character began to see hallucinations in the yellow wallpaper in her room from being isolated for so long. Without having to say a word, Payton and Emery were already behind me, in the same state of shock as I was to see the delusion behind the practice. It was almost comical, how horrible some of the treatment plans were for the body and the mind – and I’m glad I had a few friends with the same dark humor to enjoy the museum with.

More seriously, after exploring the Whitney Plantation, there was a constant sense of support amongst everyone in the group. Although the tour was intended to serve as a memorial to those who lost their lives on the plantation, I felt of pain in my heart and a nauseous guilt built within me. With every interview inscription I read that depicted the first-handed abuse innocent people suffered, I grew overwhelmed with sorrow. And I believe the most intensely surreal moment of the tour was the artwork of the beheaded men who gave their lives for their rebellion. Seeing how young some of the men were who chose to risk their lives in the name of freedom was undeniably terrifying but also yielded the utmost honor. By the end of the tour, however, I felt a pit in my stomach that almost brought me to tears. Thankfully, as soon as I found a seat by myself on a bench near the entrance, it wasn’t long before Maya was right next to me with her head on my shoulder with everyone else not too far behind. The comfort we took from each other was from presence alone. This brings me back to The Awakening when Madame Ratignolle laid her hand over Edna’s when she sensed that Edna was feeling overwhelmed. It made Edna realize that she had never had a friend so openly affectionate as most of them were “self-contained.” I related on this level because the majority of people we meet these days retain a certain level of distance both physically and emotionally in order to preserve ego. Whereas the people on this Maymester are not.

The best part of this city is that the relationships don’t end with the people who came on this trip with me. In New Orleans, conversations with people who meet walking around the city are a dime a dozen, and friendships are easy to come by. For example, the Lafayette Hotel has a couple bellhops and security guards that work throughout the day and I already know most of them by name, hometown, and some I even know their favorite restaurants in the Quarter. Kevin, one of the bellhops, always says, “Good Morning sunshine!” when he sees me and never fails to ask about what Andrew has planned for us that day. I know Kevin’s hometown, that he is 4 years into retirement, loves to go boating, and that his mom cooks the best jambalaya in town – which is more than I can say about anyone I have sat next to everyday for my semester long classes at USC. So, unlike Los Angeles, the conversations feel real – people aren’t robotically asking: “Hi, how are you” with zero intention of hearing your answer. I look forward to going out and meeting new people every day I’m in New Orleans, which is painfully ironic to Coming Through Slaughter, where Buddy struggles with a crippling loneliness. Nonetheless, this makes me ever grateful for the many friendships I have been lucky enough to make on this trip, and has opened my eyes to the superficial aspects of life I grew accustomed to in Los Angeles. 

Music for the Soul

Every moment must be first known and then savored
— Anne Rice, Interview with the Vampire
Street jazz in the French Quarter

Street jazz in the French Quarter

Arriving in New Orleans was like being shaken awake from a nearly comatose state we existed in throughout Grand Isle. We had shifted away from the isolated island lifestyle where the secret to happiness lay between the crashing waves and warm sand. The Big Easy introduced itself to us with a welcoming spirit that celebrated eccentricity. 

Upon our check-in to the Lafayette Hotel, the colorful street lights peaked through the front windows and we felt the floor shake from the grumbling race cars just around the corner. Albeit we were more fitted for a restful night's rest, the excitement of the hustling and bustling city lured us away from our beds towards the commotion. Our eleven-person party raided Canal Street in search of something quick to eat and for the source of all the excitement we were hearing from the hotel rooms. Canal Street resembles the Las Vegas Strip; with weekenders swarming the street, packing the diverse eateries, bars, shops, and showrooms. Neon signs lit up the night sky, luring people in with promises of $5 daiquiris and hot fried chicken. The smells, I will admit, are that of any big city – unpleasant, confusing, and quite honestly, a little rancid. This made me reflect back on the fresh smell of ocean breeze and seaweed in Grand Isle, assuring me that I was far away from the gulf. 

As we wandered throughout the area, we eventually stumbled onto Bourbon Street. And within moments we were immediately swarmed by scammers and swindlers as our young faces and heavy backpacks screamed: “We are tourists!” They were mostly older men who were offering business cards, CDs, beads, flowers, free drinks, and asked several questions they had no business knowing the answers to. Also, the men of Bourbon Street wasted no time revealing their “french” flirtatious nature with the women of our group with their unwavering stares and tactless cat calls. The attention was unwanted to say the least, however, in comparison to Grand Isle we were at least being acknowledged. 

We had barely walked a couple feet before we were welcomed by a scrappy street jazz group. Their instruments rang down the street, drawing in the crowd of nightcrawlers and drunken bar hoppers. The most surprising aspect about the group was not their energetic performance but the fact that they did not look how I expected a traditional New Orleans jazz band to look. In my mind, I was envisioning a group of older black men, handsomely dressed, and each one with a shiny gold instrument. To my amazement, the members in the band seemed to be no older than we were. They ranged from 10 to 30 years old and were dressed (Key and I agreed) no different than the guys who played pickup basketball around the corner of our houses. The informality of the experience was surprising but made the experience more authentic to the casual, laid back nature of New Orleans natives. We were filled with adrenaline as the stomping, swinging, syncopated beat just made us want to wake up and dance!


For our first morning in the French Quarter we wandered around enjoying the Creole architecture, as Andrew pointed out how French and Spanish influences resonate through them. There was a significant lack of chain stores and restaurants in the quarter, and an obvious community support of small businesses, historical preservation, and artwork expression. Most importantly, we were refreshed to be away from the predominantly white, heavily southern people from Grand Isle, in a city that is majority black.


In the center of the quarter, we came across another jazz band. The way that the music drew in people speaks to the soul and it is written on people's faces. The band members were dancing around with their instruments as if they were parts of them. Connecting with each other without the formality of sheet music and a predictable melody. It was a party. 

They used instruments with much wear and in fact used instruments that were not even instruments anymore: There was one boy who was playing his own drum and eventually used his solo time to churn up a beat using the battered “Bourbon Street” road sign just a foot above his head. It reminded me of this quote from Coming Through Slaughter that described Buddy Bolden’s music as having “so little wisdom that you want to clean nearly every note he passed, passed it seemed along the way as if traveling in a car, passed before he even approached it and saw it properly. There was no control except the mood of his power … and it is for this reason it is good you never heard him play on recordings. If you never heard him play some place where the weather for instance could change the next series of notes—then you should never have heard him at all.” This jazz could never be recreated second-hand, it reflects exactly how the artist feels in that moment, and cannot be restricted by a script. 

As the night encroached we took on the rumored Frenchmen Street that the locals have recommended for a fun night on the town for Key’s birthday. Once we hopped out of our Uber we saw how the street had transformed from its calm, lazy, quiet, town-like feeling it had during the day. It felt like we had put on a pair of goggles that showed different characters and colors in the same scene we experienced in the morning. An older white lady had gone out of her way to teach us about a New Orleans tradition that is pinning money to a birthday sash for good luck. She had pulled a five dollar bill from her pocket to pin on Key. The small buildings that were squished together down the street were bursting out of their seams with people. The different types of partygoers and music were spilling out from the small front doors. Each one invited a different world for us to explore, making it harder and harder to figure out where we are going to start. The lyrics of the music mix together and become hard to make out. However what resonates the most is the sound of the drums from each place. Our hearts were beating faster to catch up with the drummers. 

The first bar we entered was called NOLA 30/90 and before we walked inside the bouncer in front was sweet enough to pin a dollar to Key’s sash. The small wooden bar had been stuffed with people who were all surrounding the main band which consisted of a pianist, a guitarist, an electric guitarist, and a lead singer. The members of the band were obviously laying their souls before the crowd as they got into the music, sweating and banging their heads to the rhythms. I was most obsessed with the lead singer who had a powerful alto voice that could shake the walls. Her passion not only showed on her face but on the faces of the people in the crowd who were being moved by her.

The second bar we entered had a DJ who was playing mainly reggae. This bar had completely different demographics than the first place we went into; the crowd was older and predominantly black. The music had everything to do with rhythm. People were flooding the dance floor to groove to the beat and many people were having fun with the trending Nigerian dance move called butterfly footwork or “happy feet”. The difference between the LA club scene and here was that there was less of the feeling of people picking up other people, less people trying to socialize, and less people trying to get the attention of the DJ. The experience was solely for the enjoyment of the music.

The peak of my musical experience at New Orleans went down in Preservation Hall. The hall is located in the heart of the French Quarter and the venue introduced us to an intimate, traditional jazz concert that had an ensemble of 7 instrumentalists: the piano, the drums, the saxophone, the trombone, the trumpet, the cello, and the clarinet. Their first piece started like a whisper, it seemed like a conversation, like they were just getting to know us. As the pieces went on the personalities of each member of the jazz band shown through. Their several years playing together was evident in the cohesiveness of the performance and with their loving and relaxed demeanor they all maintained throughout the songs. The music had a calming effect on me, it was warming my soul, some parts even bringing me to tears to watch. I would say that New Orleans music is more than moving, it takes over my body, mind and soul. The music allows me to enter the thoughts of the musician, feeling every emotion they feel. New Orleans music is the language that translated the rich culture of the city, allowing me to understand before I savored the moments.


Embracing "Frenchness"

A feeling that was unfamiliar but very delicious
— Kate Chopin

“Just step back and smell the roses'' – is what my parents reminded me when I left the house for LAX. I kept repeating that in my head over and over on the plane ride to Louisiana, trying my hardest to shut out the gnawing thoughts of my final grades, past assignments, work, my family, my friends and quite possibly every other worry under the sun. And contrary to how it may sound, I have actually been bursting with excitement on the days leading up to this trip. I couldn’t remember the last time I was able to relax unburdened by a single worry, time crunch, or obligation. But oddly enough, my brain was ping ponging all over the place, relentlessly, from genuine excitement to an irrational, lingering worry. Why couldn’t I just smell the damn roses?

As the first day in Grand Isle rolled around, I was overwhelmed with the vastness and beauty of the bayou. As I went down Louisiana Highway 1, I was given a front row seat to the miles and miles of endless wetlands that surrounded the barrier islands. The sea was still, untouched – so much so that at first glance one would believe they were being tricked by a glossy mirage. The wetlands that enveloped the road eventually led me to a long shore with an active beach and many sand dunes – where we stayed for the next three days. It resembled a painting. It was a paradise.

However, as expected, the task of adjusting to an island lifestyle, without a care in the world, wasn’t a hard one. I would say that being able to shake the anxieties of my, now halted, Los Angeles life, running without me didn't disappear in an instant, but the vacation mindset was, to say the least, an uncomplicated concept. 

Our cabin had grand, ocean front windows that gave us a serene view of the quiet beach just a few steps away. My eyes never failed to wander over to that window, entranced by the calm waves creeping onto the sand or the peaking fins of bottlenose dolphins above the surface. The strong rays of the sun shone from end to end of the shore. The birds glided gracefully across the cloudless sky in a perfect line, skaine, without the push of wind. This together left me desperately needing to jump in for a swim – reminding me of Edna from our reading, The Awakening. In the novel, Edna described the “long, sandy path, upon which a sporadic and tangled growth that bordered it on either side made frequent and unexpected inroads.” This mirrored the landscape almost exactly, even when she mentioned how the green clusters “glistened from afar in the sun.” Like Edna, I felt that the water was “sensuous, enfolding the body in its soft embrace.” It wrapped around me so warmly, I understood why she found it  impossible to ever leave. 

Another pastime that I found surprisingly impossible was probably the most simple of all: reading. It had been so long since the last time I had dedicated time to fully focus on reading a book that I felt that the action itself was not an efficient enough use of my time. My worries and anxieties that had been fading away came knocking on the door once again. Every few pages I would catch myself thinking about ways I could multitask or things I would usually be doing. I thought to myself: “Maybe I could rearrange my suitcase? Or I wonder if I should check the schedule again? Sometimes I would look up from the book for no reason at all, I simply wasn’t accustomed to focusing on words for long periods of time. It was like my body learned to relax but my brain hadn’t.

It wasn’t until the third seminar, when we learned about the “frenchness” in Louisiana, that I got a better understanding of what slowing down really meant. Essentially, Andrew walked us through the vibrant French influences that have shaped Creole culture as we know it today. It was only then did I realize that the French were a romantic people who focused on working to live rather than living to work. They valued a tight knit community, meaningful interactions, and finding happiness in their lives. For example, I remember the group and I were rushing into the water when we ran into an older couple who perched two beach chairs in the shallow end of the shore, relaxing side by side, basking in the sun, unbothered. My initial thoughts were: “Isn’t it Monday?” and “Why aren’t they at work?” After connecting Andrew’s lectures to the situation, I realized that the residents of Grand Isle must work on their own clock. Another situation involved another couple that came by in a golf cart, with a young labrador, dressed in old shirts and khaki shorts. I watched them hop off their cart and hoist their trapping gear on their backs to walk towards the trap area we happened to be foolishly swimming near. Hence the many pinches to our feet. As the couple splashed around happily, I was surprised to see the ideal work-life balance occur right before my eyes.

The culture of this town is like no other. I’ve witnessed a passion for living life simply that doesn’t resemble anything I’ve encountered before in America. Even food is enjoyed with a different passion. The people here are driven toward happiness within themselves rather than in their work.​​​​​​ They value a strong sense of community over individuality and sense of purpose. Grand Isle may not be a place for everyone but I can attest that it has taught me a great deal about the art of smelling the roses.